there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
