Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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