You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
