There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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