i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
