He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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