Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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