She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
