Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
