Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
