I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
