from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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