how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
