i would punch a child for taco bell
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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