11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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