She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Randomize