Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
