didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
