We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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