i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
