Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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