My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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