He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His hands were made for my vagina.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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