based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
