Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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