Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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