I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
