Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
