how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
