and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
