So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize