I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
