literally had 100 drinks last night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
