it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
