it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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