yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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