Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
