Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
