Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
