Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
