i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize