Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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