I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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