i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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