im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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