She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize