I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
