Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
