if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
