U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
