respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
