Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize