wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
