Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
