she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
