So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
