1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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