i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize