Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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