dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
