This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
