he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
