I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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