you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
