o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
