Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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