apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
