I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
