So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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