Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
