you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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