Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
