you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
